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Common Tantrum Flashpoints for Toddlers – And How to Deal with Them

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#children #kids #toddler #activities
Published
01/18/2024

The toddler years are often called the "terrible twos" for good reason - tantrums seem to erupt over the smallest things. While toddler tantrums can be frustrating and embarrassing for parents, they're a normal part of development. By understanding some of the common trigger points and having tools to deal with tantrums constructively, you can minimise them and help guide your child through this stage.

Common Causes of Toddler Tantrums

Hunger: When blood sugar gets low, toddlers have less control over their emotions. Be sure to offer healthy mini-meals and snacks throughout the day to maintain stable blood sugar. Bring a snack bag containing finger foods like pieces of fruit or breadsticks when out and about in case hunger strikes.

Tiredness: Missing naps or disrupted sleep diminishes a toddler's ability to regulate their moods, making tantrums more likely. Ensure your child is getting enough daytime naps appropriate for their age and establish an early, calming bedtime routine. 

Overstimulation: Noisy, chaotic environments with too much going on can quickly overwhelm toddlers. Watch for signs of sensory overstimulation like your child closing their eyes, covering their ears or hiding. Move to a quieter location or head home to reset. 

Transitions between activities: Shifting gears to the next item on the agenda or stopping fun activities is hard for toddlers who often want to continue doing what they are doing indefinitely! Give 5- and 1-minute warnings before changing activities to prepare your toddler. Using visual timers can also help ease transitions.

Lack of routine: Toddlers thrive on predictability and routine. Try to keep consistent wake-up times, familiar sequences of post-breakfast activities, standard mealtimes and bedtime rituals to help your toddler know what to expect and feel secure. Routines are especially important if you are fostering toddlers via Fostering People, as children in care may have experienced disrupted homes and need additional stability in their lives.

Boredom: Keep a stash of engaging activities, play options, songs and games readily on hand that you can pull out to hold your toddler's attention during long waits in shops, doctor’s offices etc. 

Lack of communication skills: Toddlers experience intense feelings but often lack the language and emotion regulation skills to handle these big emotions.

How to Handle Toddler Tantrums Constructively

Stay calm yourself: Your own calm presence helps reassure your toddler at a primal level that the situation is under control and prevents escalation of the tantrum.

Empathise: Comments demonstrating empathy like “You really wanted to stay play at park longer. Leaving made you feel upset - I get it” remind toddlers that while the tantrum is not okay, their feelings or desires underneath are valid and you understand why they feel how they do. 

Set limits: Briefly yet firmly explain the inevitable outcome once e.g. “I know you want to keep playing but it’s time we must leave now. Kicking is not okay. We can come back another day”. Don’t get dragged into negotiations or justifications. Stick calmly to the limit you have set.

Offer options: Giving small choices helps toddlers feel in control e.g. “Do you want to walk holding my hand or ride in the trolley on the way to the car?”.

This Difficult Time Will Pass

While the difficult toddler tantrum phase will pass, having compassion, setting thoughtful limits and focusing on the positives will help you both through this turbulent developmental period! In time, with growth and maturity, the intensity and frequency of tantrums will fade.

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